Finally, closure at last. But this war goes on

The way in which both Brittany Higgins and Bruce Lehrmann were pilloried on social media made it clear the longest war - the way between men and women - continues. Slut. Liar. Rapist.

Now it turns out justice has made its call. As we all held our collective breath on Monday morning, Justice Michael Lee found Bruce Lehrmann had not been defamed, as he had claimed, and that he raped Brittany Higgins in the ungodly hours of March 23. Lee wasn't entirely enthusiastic about Higgins's evidence but it was clear he considered Lehrmann to be a cad, a man "not entitled to the vindication of his reputation".

"Having escaped the lion's den, Mr Lehrmann made the mistake of going back for his hat," said Lee.

I can't think of a case like this, where every reputation of every person has been trashed, where even those with integrity have been trashed. And I can't think of a case in Australia's history where nearly every witness misspoke, misled, missed the point entirely. A case where anyone paying any attention would pray and hope nothing like this would ever happen to their daughters, nor to their sons, a fiasco from beginning to end.

For years now, three long years, only two people knew what really happened in those early hours: two former Liberal staffers Brittany Higgins and Bruce Lehrmann. Higgins went to journalists to tell her side of the story. Lehrmann went to other journalists to tell his side of the story.

Now another person has concluded what happened in those 40 missing minutes; and his credibility is considerably elevated by his position as a justice of the Federal Court. Lee is so impressive. The whole time, he sounded like he lived in the real world and has observed the way in which society has evolved.

Magnificently well-read, of course, but also a person is well-lived, who understands why sexual assault is so contested in this country, who understands the meaning of consent. He recognises that what we understand about sexual intercourse now is so different to what we used to think about sexual intercourse. It is no longer a man's right to choose when and where.

I swear to God, when he's finished being a judge, he should deliver classes for young men all over Australia, that women are not consenting just because they are lying there in a drunken stupor unable to fend for themselves. As soon as the judgement was handed down, I texted Saxon Mullins, now director of Advocacy at Rape and Sexual Assault Research and Advocacy. She was the young woman who gave up her anonymity to talk to Four Corners and reveal her story of her alleged 2013 sexual assault and the subsequent criminal trials and appeals.

That was 11 years ago. Is it possible to get men to understand consent?

She says we need to get more men on board.

"They need to be involved in real ways. They need to ruin jokes, make their friends uncomfortable, believe women," she says. "They need to see that other men don't act like this."

This wasn't a criminal trial - instead a civil case where the burden of proof is not as great. But the evidence Lee pored over for months pointed the judge to one incontrovertible finding - Lehrmann was indifferent to whether Higgins was too drunk to consent. In and out, then hopped into a cab to return to the girlfriend on whom he had just cheated.

That indifference is replayed by men all over Australia. My only solution is to accept men -some men - not all men, are unsafe in social situations, that they do not understand alcohol is not the social lubricant they think it is. I've even suggested women stop drinking with men until men are appropriately socialised (and boy did I get into trouble for that, but seriously, do you have a better idea?).

I have no good ideas except this one. Bottle Justice Michael Lee and then spread his common sense across the nation.

And then we must - urgently - do a better job of bringing up the next generation of men.