Opinion ||

I’ve written before about New Year’s resolutions and how futile they are before, espousing the importance of self-awareness and evaluation the entire year through and not just at its end.

However, there are some things in my life that need to change and I thought, with a shrug, what the heck? I’ll make a New Year’s resolution!

Yeah, didn’t go to plan. 

Turns out that I have next to no will power!

Have you ever decided just before New Year’s that you were going to lose 10kg? Maybe 20kg? Maybe more? 

And then before 3.30am on January 1 found yourself nibbling on Tim Tams and Starburst Snakes while reading a book? No? Just me? Well okey dokey then.

Psychologists will tell you that New Year’s resolutions often fail because they aren’t clear.

You lack confidence in your ability to achieve your goals, the reality of your vision is a marathon, but you expect or want it to be a sprint, or you simply aren’t ready for change.

I call rubbish. At least for me.

I could give you every reason under the sun as to why my charkras aren’t aligned for the achievement of this inner shift… but ultimately, they aren’t reasons, they are excuses.

My resolution was a vague outcome understood only in my mind, with no accountability, and with absolutely no energy to tackle it.

Does this mean I’m just not ready for change?

Well, d’oh, but the problem isn’t readiness, it’s a willingness to be ready.

I want the championship without the training, the gain without the pain, the achievement without the work… you get the picture. Right now, I can’t be bothered. I like Tim Tams. 

The problem with my approach was that I was looking too far ahead, I think.

This is a common issue with New Year’s Resolutions because if you think about the start of a new year as a new chapter, you sort of trap yourself into believing that chapters are a year long and if you bollocks it up by 3.30am on January 1, that’s it! The year is officially down the toilet and it’s barely even begun!

Now, if one of my friends said this to me, I’d probably laugh at them and say, “Don’t be daft!  Every day is a new day and you will have good days and bad days – the trick is to make sure the good days outnumber the bad ones!”

So I am left wondering, why am I kinder to everyone else than I am to myself?

Why do I feel more respect, belief and pride for the people I love, than I do for me? 

The idea of loving yourself is very vogue at the moment.

There are journals designed to empower and inspire, seminars on happiness, mindful colouring books, and oodles of framed quotes that suggest all sorts of expectations we should have of ourselves.

I’m not saying this is a bad thing, I actually don’t think it is at all, but for me, accepting myself is more my cup of tea. To be honest, I feel a bit ridiculous about the idea of loving myself.

I realise that there are those people out there who would say that I can’t love anyone else until I love myself, but I call rubbish on that, too.

I think that the idea of qualifying yourself to love another is ridiculous.

Is there a yardstick to measure how much you have to love yourself before you qualify to love another?

What’s the difference between loving and liking yourself? So. Many. Questions. But I digress…

I think that setting clear, attainable, realistic, goals within a specified shorter time frame is significantly more likely to garner success.

Perhaps on the first of every month, set yourself a goal that you are going to achieve by the end of that month and have 12 chapters in 2019.

Maybe they need to be weekly or daily goals. Whatever we set for ourselves, we are all likely to fall off the bandwagon at some stage, but the point (or so I’m told, anyway!) is to get back on it. 

Zoë Wundenberg Careers Writer, Counsellor & Coach Impressability www.impressability.com.au