This might look like a group of friends catching up over coffee and cake, but listen carefully to their chatter, and the conversations are far from a typical gossip session.
Create a free account to read this article
or signup to continue reading
Welcome to Sutherland Shire's 'Death Cafes'. Talking about dying is the main topic of the table - and it's taking flight.
Scary as it may sound, this project aims to make a seemingly uncomfortable scenario, relaxed. There may even be a few laughs.
In response to community interest in dying, Death Cafes were formed through a partnership between South Eastern Sydney Local Health District, Sutherland Shire Council, Southern Metropolitan Cemeteries and St George and Sutherland Community College.
The free initiative brings together people who share experiences and discuss end-of-life planning. Council Community Development Advisor, Virginia Hughes, leads the project, which has developed into a popular gathering.
"Before I worked at the council five years ago, I worked for an aged care provider. Death Cafes, which started in the UK, were done by some LGAs in Sydney but they didn't get the momentum they hoped for at the time," she said.
"During the pandemic, we started a seminar series called The Sandwich Generation, aimed at people between older parents and those raising a family and balancing work. We got great response, but that audience overwhelming told us they wanted to know more about end of life conversations - how and when do we start them and who do we have them with. Our first attempt starting it was as a panel-type information seminar led by key speakers."
But the title didn't sit well with everyone, she said. "Lots of older people said the name was a bit morbid, but it creates a level of interest and starts the conversation."
That conversation can include talking about the choice to die at home, how to say goodbye to a loved one who is facing a terminal diagnosis, or trauma and grief. There may be a palliative care nurse or support worker to offer guidance to participants.
"It's an open discussion within a small, intimate group - everyone gets to have a voice if they want to," Ms Hughes said.
"It's not just for older people. We certainly have seniors, but we've had most people between their 30-50s, and also someone in their 20s. To have that balance is a powerful dynamic."
Grief and Bereavement Coordinator for SESLHD, Joanna McIllveen, says the group can help people feel less afraid, by discussing practical solutions to often puzzling concerns.
"It helps them organise thoughts about wills, funerals, and sharing their beliefs with their families," she said.
"There is no agenda. But it's not a grief support or counselling session. It's to give people a sense of community and the ability to share their experiences so they do not feel so alone."
Group facilitator Margaret Rice, who is also the curator of good-grief.com.au, which shares online resources about death to compassionately assist people in preparing for end-of-life, says when people are less afraid of death, they live better.
"We're all so frightened of death that we can't easily get information about how to deal with it - how to help our friends and family, and how to have our wishes followed," she said.
"The group shares ideas about how to break the ice. We might want a special piece of music played in our last days, or know that our aunt loves lavender around her. Death Cafes turn unaddressed fears into thoughts we can act on."
The next Death Cafe at St George and Sutherland Community College, Jannali, is from 10am-midday on December 3.
Want more local news? Sign up for your free weekly newsletter.
